Speaker Listener Technique
In this video, Julia Paner-Zook, a relationship coach from the UN me.we program at Family Resources, introduces a vital communication skill designed to assist couples during tense discussions. The video begins with a reenactment of a common conflict scenario between a couple. The couple’s conversation escalates when one partner reveals their recent shopping trip, which leads to feelings of frustration, blame, and defensiveness. Julia identifies the key issues that arise during such interactions, namely that both partners are speaking over one another and not truly listening. This lack of effective communication escalates conflict, as defensiveness builds and anger intensifies. To navigate these conflicts more productively, Julia introduces the “speaker-listener technique,” which encourages couples to take a timeout and engage in a structured dialogue. This technique involves one partner speaking while the other listens without interruption, followed by paraphrasing and confirming the points made. This method may feel awkward at first but, with practice, becomes easier and creates a calmer atmosphere for constructive conversation.
