The health of your relationship is in your hands. Like anything in life, a relationship requires constant work and maintenance to keep it positive and healthy. In the absence of regular positive attention, the quality of the relationship will begin to diminish. Do not allow your relationship to drift to a point where there is such bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness that every conversation is rife with negative emotion. (If the conversations even happen at all!)
“[In the absence of proper care] your marriage moves toward a state of isolation. Unless you lovingly and energetically nurture your marriage, you will begin to drift away from your mate.”
Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Founders of FamilyLife, Weekend to Remember
Below is a dialog I had with my son, which points out the key pillars for a successful relationship.
Conversation with My Son
Son: What would you say are the key pillars of relationships?
Dad: I would say:
- Trust and integrity,
- Mutual servanthood, and
- Becoming proficient at apologizing for your offenses and forgiving each other’s offenses.
Any relationship can thrive if these three areas are at the highest level. (…even in “arranged” marriages where the bride and groom did not previously know each other!)
— Pastor Tony Parham; October, 2024
Pillars of Healthy Relationships
So the 3 areas described above serve as the 3 pillars of all healthy relationships — and “Communication & Conflict Resolution” is the glue which holds them all together. Both the husband and the wife must decide individually if you are going to do what it takes to establish these key areas in your life.
Your decision should NOT be predicated on what the other person does. You have to decide for yourself that you are going to walk in integrity, mutual servanthood, contrition and forgiveness no matter what the other person does.
Note: In regards to mutual servanthood, “Agape” (pronounced like uh-GAH-pay) is the New Testament Greek word which describes the type of love which seeks to serve others.
Let’s delve a little bit more deeply into each of these topics…
Communication & Conflict Resolution
Communication & conflict resolution skills serve as the glue that holds everything together across the healthy relationship pillars.
Trust / Integrity
Build trust by being honest, open, and consistent.
Mutual Servanthood
Show care by actively serving, listening, and meeting others’ needs each day.
Forgiveness / Apologies
Apologies and forgiveness involve sincerely admitting wrongs, taking responsibility, making amends, releasing resentment, and actively restoring trust.